Navigating Your Fertility Journey During the Holidays: Protecting Your Mental Health

For many people, the holiday season brings togetherness, celebration, and tradition. But when you’re navigating infertility or fertility treatment, this time of year can feel more complicated. Family gatherings may include questions you’re not ready to answer. Travel can disrupt treatment schedules. Even joyful moments may bring unexpected grief or stress.

If you're feeling this way, you’re not alone — and your feelings are valid. Research led by UCSF fertility psychologists has shown that depression and anxiety are extremely common among individuals and couples undergoing fertility treatment. In one study, 39.1% of women and 15.3% of men met criteria for major depressive disorder during treatment ¹, and distress more common when treatment outcomes were uncertain or prolonged.

The good news: there are ways to protect your mental health and navigate the holidays with more ease. Here are realistic, evidence-informed strategies to help you feel grounded during this season.

1. Plan Ahead for Treatment Logistics

Holiday clinic hours, travel, and family obligations can make treatment timing feel stressful. A little preparation goes a long way.

Practical steps:

• Send a secure portal message early to confirm clinic hours, medication timing, monitoring appointments, or expected treatment dates. This is one of the simplest ways to reduce stress.
• If you’re traveling, ask your care team about:
• Consider scheduling a brief check-in with your nurse or care coordinator before the clinic gets busy.

Research shows that psychological distress is common during fertility treatment, particularly in the setting of uncertainty and limited support.¹

2. Protect Your Emotional Boundaries at Gatherings

Holiday gatherings can bring well-meaning but painful questions: “When are you two having kids?” or “Any baby news?” Research shows that infertility affects self-esteem, identity, and communication within couples^(2,3)— so encountering these questions when you’re already carrying a heavy emotional load can hit especially hard.

Try preparing a script ahead of time:

• “We’re focusing on our health right now, but thanks for thinking of us.”
• “We’re not discussing family planning this year, but we’re glad to be here.”
• Or simply redirect: “We’ve been busy with work — how have you been?”

You get to choose what you share, and what you keep private.

3. Strengthen Your Support System — Especially Within Your Relationship

UCSF research has shown that couples who share a similar coping approach — meaning they talk openly, stay connected, and approach challenges as a team — experience a stronger relationship during infertility. In contrast, mismatched coping styles (one partner wants to talk, the other shuts down) can increase stress.^(2,4)

Try this:

• Ask your partner, “What do you need from me during the holidays?”
• Share what feels hard for you — before tensions build.
• If you’re attending gatherings, create a signal or plan to step outside together if things get overwhelming.

And remember: men also experience significant distress, especially if male-factor infertility is involved. Offering space for both partners’ emotions matters.

4. Anticipate Triggers — and Make a Backup Plan

Triggers around the holidays are real: pregnancy announcements, baby-centered activities, time spent with nieces and nephews, or even certain traditions.

Plan for emotional safety:

• Decide in advance which events you’ll attend — and which you’ll skip.
• Give yourself permission to leave early.
• Arrange a fallback activity for comfort afterward: a walk, a favorite show, or time with someone who understands.

5. Set Boundaries With Social Media

Social media can amplify stress at this time of year, especially with pregnancy and family posts filling your feeds.

A few helpful options:

• Mute certain accounts temporarily.
• Move apps off your home screen.
• Limit scrolling at night, when emotions tend to feel heavier.

This isn’t avoidance — it’s self-protection.

6. Keep a Small but Steady Self-Care Routine

In a UCSF study, patients undergoing IVF reported higher stress before treatment, with stress levels decreasing after ovarian stimulation began ⁶. Why? Structure, predictability, and a sense of movement often make things feel more manageable.

You can borrow that logic for the holidays:

• Maintain a simple routine: hydration, meals, movement, sleep.
• Choose non-holiday anchors (like a morning walk or journaling).
• Say yes only to the traditions that actually nourish you.

Even small, steady behaviors can keep your mind and body more regulated during treatment.

7. Know When to Ask for Professional Support

Despite the high rates of anxiety and depression in fertility patients, research shows most people do not receive referrals to mental health services — even when they’re significantly distressed ⁵.

If you notice:

• Persistent sadness
• Anxiety that feels overwhelming
• Withdrawal from friends or hobbies
• Strain in your relationship
• Changes in sleep or appetite

…it's time to reach out. A fertility-informed therapist can provide crucial coping tools, support, and a space away from family expectations.

If you’re a UCSF patient, ask your care team for mental health resources anytime. You don’t need to wait until things feel unmanageable.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Protect Your Peace

You’re allowed to be selective. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to grieve and still find joy in other parts of your life.

Infertility is not just a medical journey — it's an emotional one. And during the holidays, taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It's part of the work of getting through this season intact.

Final Thought

Whatever your holiday season looks like, we hope you feel supported, informed, and empowered. If you need help navigating treatment scheduling, emotional resources, or mental health support, don’t hesitate to reach out through the UCSF patient portal or your care team. We’re here with you — every step of the way.

References

1. Holley, S. R., Pasch, L. A., Bleil, M. E., Gregorich, S., Katz, P. K., & Adler, N. E. (2015). Prevalence and predictors of major depressive disorder for fertility treatment patients and their partners. Fertility and Sterility, 103(5), 1332–1339.e3. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2015.02.018
2. Pasch, L. A., Dunkel-Schetter, C., & Christensen, A. (2002). Differences between husbands’ and wives’ approach to infertility affect marital communication and adjustment. Fertility and Sterility, 77(6), 1241–1247. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0015-0282(02)03097-2
3. Smith JF, Walsh TJ, Shindel AW, et al. Sexual, marital, and social impact of a man's perceived infertility diagnosis. The journal of sexual medicine vol. 6,9 (2009): 2505-15. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01383.x
4. Pasch, L. A., & Sullivan, K. T. (2016). Stress and coping in couples facing infertility. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 131–135. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.07.004
5. Pasch, L. A., Holley, S. R., Bleil, M. E., Shehab, D., Katz, P. P., & Adler, N. E. (2016). Addressing the needs of fertility treatment patients and their partners: Are they informed of and do they receive mental health services? Fertility and Sterility, 105(3), 760–766. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2016.03.006
6. Adeleye, A., Cruz, K., Pasch, L., & Huddleston, H. (2020). Differences in perceived stress during ovarian stimulation between women with infertility and those pursuing oocyte cryopreservation. Fertility and Sterility, 114(3), 539–547. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2020.05.025